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Of apologies, absences and dealing with things

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A warning to any potential readers:I think this will be a long post.I think,though, I don’t really know.I never do,in fact.Well,I’ll get to the post now.

First of all,I am very sorry that I have not been posting anything for so long.Or even reading others’ posts. If there are people who are waiting (still!) for me to post new things, thank you very much for having such faith in me.I almost didn’t have it myself. It has been a hard time for me, these past two months.I was preparing for my “boards”,which are these really ,really important exams in India, and owing to that, I had to stay in a tiny room with my mother for the time. I was in a hostel before that, but since I have zero self control,I stopped pretending to myself I could study there, and appea;ed to my mother to come police me.Well,this post will be very long if I write about all the problems and every little fight I had with my mother,so I shall not subject anyone to that.The exams are over now,and I can happily say I am well rid of them.Now I just have to wait for the results.

Now to get to the question my friends have been asking me: why was i off the internet for so long? Honestly, i am not sure. I think it was part pure laziness, and part my trying to rid myself of addictions,though that is a strong word. I was too strongly attached to the net; so strongly attached that I was online all the time when I was studying.The reason? There are people online I cannot resist talking to. People I could never resist talking to.It was getting pretty unhealthy,and detrimental to my sanity,so I thought I would wean myself off it all. So, I am officially no more a facebook addict. And from looking like a raccoon,I have gone back to looking human again.Hopefully. And about the addiction to certain people and their way with words, I am clearly not over all of that. Maturity does take time to arrive. I thought i needed to set my priorities straight. I have succeeded, to some extent, so maybe going off the internet actually worked.But now that I am back again, I think I am as vulnerable as before.Not a good sign.

I started writing on this space so I could sort through my feelings, and maybe address them somehow. I haven’t had any epiphanies yet, but i am so happy to have found the few friends that I have here.It all gets a little confusing sometimes.Daphne du Maurier was troubled by the two parts of herself- the sweet,loving wife, and the coolly observant writer.I do not claim to be anywhere near her with my writing capabilities, but in the last few day,I have realized what she meant, and it is truly disturbing to be talking to someone and at the same time analysing them,picking them apart like machinery.It hasn’t happened just once, but quite a few times. Frankly, I am scaring myself, and others around me. But then, if observing people around me like this can make me a better writer eventually, I shall endure it, I suppose. Now,if only I could be quite so detached with myself. Maybe i wouldn’t have quite so many things to sort through in my head. That head is getting a little cluttered, so beware everyone, I am going to be posting things again.

Maybe the break from the internet should have been a break from the world………..

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About keatslover

I'm an avid Keats fan( as is pretty obvious, I'm sure) and a student of English Literature. I love to read and to write and to dance. I'm just an ordinary teen from India who wants a platform to express how she feels about things. In short, I need to get my voice out there. Hope all the readers like what i write. And hope that there are readers.

4 responses »

  1. KeatsLover,
    Whatever the reasons were, and Daphne DuMaurier or not, it’s good to have you back.
    Le Clown

    Reply
  2. You can toss that last line right in the garbage. The rest, writing out how you feel is cathartic, it teaches you all manner of useful and pleasant skills.

    I hope your exams grade well.

    Reply

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